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Can I Represent Myself? Please?

 

These are quotes from actual court transcripts here in the US. We can actually call this a justice system!?
  1. Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

  2. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

  3. Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
  4. Q: How old is your son -- the one living with you.
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
  5. Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximately milepost 499.
    Q: And where is milepost 499?
    A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
  6. Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
    A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
  7. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
    A: After the accident?
    Q: Before the accident.
    A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
  8. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.
  9. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
    A: Yes.
    Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A: Yes, sir.
    Q: What did she say?
    A: What disco am I at?
  10. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
  11. Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
  12. Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
  13. Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
  14. Q: Did he kill you?
  15. Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
  16. Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
  17. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
  18. Q: So the date of conception of your baby was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
  19. Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
  20. Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
  21. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A: I went to Europe, Sir.
    Q: And you took your new wife?
  22. Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
  23. Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
  24. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
  25. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
  26. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
  27. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
  28. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
  29. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
  30. Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
    A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
  31. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.


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