laughing.gif (13528 bytes)Best Humor from the Net from Dobhran's Humorama!

Free 2 Try, Free and Trial Offers

 

Can I Represent Myself? Please?

 

These are quotes from actual court transcripts here in the US. We can actually call this a justice system!?
  1. Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

  2. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

  3. Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
  4. Q: How old is your son -- the one living with you.
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
  5. Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximately milepost 499.
    Q: And where is milepost 499?
    A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
  6. Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
    A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
  7. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
    A: After the accident?
    Q: Before the accident.
    A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
  8. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.
  9. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
    A: Yes.
    Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A: Yes, sir.
    Q: What did she say?
    A: What disco am I at?
  10. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
  11. Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
  12. Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
  13. Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
  14. Q: Did he kill you?
  15. Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
  16. Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
  17. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
  18. Q: So the date of conception of your baby was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
  19. Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
  20. Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
  21. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A: I went to Europe, Sir.
    Q: And you took your new wife?
  22. Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
  23. Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
  24. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
  25. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
  26. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
  27. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
  28. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
  29. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
  30. Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
    A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
  31. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.


laughing.gif (13528 bytes)laughing2.gif (1697 bytes)laughing.gif (13528 bytes)laughing2.gif (1697 bytes)laughing.gif (13528 bytes)

Send this joke to your friends, too!
It's much better than sending them some garbled, messy email
that has been forwarded over and over!

emailbutton.gif (8793 bytes)

Brought to you by Dobhran's Humorama!
Click on the button below to see more jokes to send your friends!

buttonhumor1x1.gif (4431 bytes)

Visit Dobhran's Gr-r-reetings!
for the best in free online greetings to send your friends and family!

Click for more greetings!

Or visit Dobhran's FREE World for best in free offers, trials, contests and more!

FreeButton.gif (6810 bytes)

 

Click for Hundreds of Free Catalogs    Free and Trial Offers at Free2Try.com         Print Real Coupons From Your Computer
Earn revenue from your web site. This ad brought to you by WebSponsors.net




FastCounter by LinkExchange

design ©Dobhran 1999

Nedstat Counter